Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A New Leaf

I've been putting off blogging for a while because I have so many pictures I want to share, and many of them are on Jesse's computer! But I can blab all I want and post pictures later :)

In the last two weeks, I've reawakened my green thumb and enjoyed potting lots of new flowers as well as tomatoes, cucumbers, and strawberries. There's no area for me to put a flower bed or vegetable garden, so pots on the patio will have to do for now! But they are very pretty, and I'm finding true joy in tending to them.

It's hard to believe that summer is nearly here. I feel like I needed more time to thaw out from the chilly winter here before getting hit with 90* weather! Of course, if you know me, you know I'm never ready for 90* weather...even 80* in fact... :)

I've dusted off my harp and gotten back to playing. Since we moved here, I really haven't spent the time I should have with the one thing I used to devote the majority of my time to! I guess I get frustrated by the difference in my playing post-college as opposed to what I used to be able to do in high school. In high school, I was good. I played for about 2 hours every day--not just because I was supposed to, but because I loved it. My name was out there, and I would get called for weddings, dinner parties, funerals, fun gigs...I miss those days. Then I hit college, a full-time job, and a boyfriend, and all I had time for was the music that I played with the orchestra. Since college, things just haven't been the same! But this week, I put aside the feelings of discouragement and stopped getting frustrated at what is instead of what was. (If that makes sense.) I pulled out my hymns and Celtic pieces (always my favorites!) and surprised myself with how easily things came back. Maybe it's all about attitude, and knowing that I just have to work really hard again to get rid of all this rust. I want to get back out there and start playing gigs again. I talked with my beloved harp teacher on Sunday (called my "second mom" on Mother's Day)and she inspired my to contact all of the churches in the area to offer my services for weddings and funerals and other events. I've got to do that!

But before I do that, I need to work even harder to find a teaching position. I realized that I haven't been doing as much as I should because I'm scared. Not scared that I'll get a job, scared that I won't. Rejection is hard, almost as bad as failure. I just need to put ALL my trust in God that He will help me find one. Substituting is a great opportunity to see how different classes are run, but it's also a discouraging job. Not being able to create relationships with the new children I see each day, not understanding their backgrounds or knowing their learning styles is frustrating. Sometimes at the end of the day, I feel like a horrible teacher because of the way the day went. I don't want that! I want to have a class that I can know and love, inspire and understand. I miss having that relationship with my preschoolers and their families. I was so happy there! It's been a year now since I left Turtle Rock Preschool.

I just can't wait till the time I walk into a classroom of the precious faces that make every day brighter. It will be that way again.

Circle time with my little ones

Laughing with Kylie on the playground

Art project in Room 3

Playing the harp for the preschool for Saint Patrick's Day last year :)