This morning did not go as planned.
What Jesse and I had looked forward to as a morning spent together searching for a new computer for me turned into a morning of unexpected hiccups. The property manager called to tell us that the repairmen we had requested two weeks ago would be arriving today sometime between 9am and 2pm. Suddenly, our computer shopping time was taken away from us, the printer refused to print out the pages we needed, and somehow, instead of banding together against these seemingly annoying-but-harmless inconveniences, we let them reduce us to two selfish people overwhelmed by the things not going our way.
How does this happen?
I'm feeling especially convicted about my attitude right now. Yes, it's very frustrating to be at home all day in a house where the floor doesn't meet the bathtub and you can't shower without the risk of mold growing underneath, or where the counter tile hasn't been laid yet so the contents of your bathroom have been in boxes for the past two weeks, or where something's wrong with the ventilation system in your laundry room so that even if you run the dryer 4 times, the clothes still come out damp. It's stressful, frustrating, and a little too out-of-my-hands for this control freak. But that doesn't mean that I should lose it at the thought of going one more day without a computer.
I've been studying Proverbs 31 through Good Morning Girls, and through my time in the Word this morning after Jesse left, I realized with disappointment that I have not lived up to being a Proverbs 31 woman this week. I have let the state of our home overpower my desire to be a loving and selfless wife, and have instead allowed it to fuel my selfishness and make demands of my Handsome Man that are too much for him on top of everything at his new job.
She will do him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
All the days. That means I don't get to take good attitude timeouts when things don't go my way. I can't flip out over the fact that there are no pictures hung up on the walls and oh-my-gosh-we've-lived-here-for-two-weeks-already.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
Ouch. I have allowed the circumstances around us to take every word of kindness off of my tongue this week. I have whined, badgered, and complained. There is no wisdom in that, and definitely no love.
No, things didn't go as I had planned this morning. But God had a different plan for me today. Instead of getting what I wanted, God showed me that I wasn't doing what He wanted me to do.
Jesse left me this morning with a kiss, and the gift of his computer for the day. He loves me enough to lay down what he needs to satisfy my selfish desires. A man like that is a gift from God, and worth learning every difficult lesson for!
Thanks, God, for making me grow this morning.